July 3, 2011
As of 4am this morning Wyatt is back on the vent. He did relatively well last night with 60% O2 taking about 30 breaths a minute. They were shallow breaths but he kept his saturations up at that time. But I guess throughout the night he couldn’t hold his saturations anymore, they kept going up on O2 but it just wasn't enough… I went into it yesterday knowing that chances are he wasn’t ready to be just on the nasal canola yet and it probably wouldn’t last. But damn it, it still feels like such a defeat. He is fighting so hard, yet we keep coming back to the same situation. Logically I know he has made improvements. I know he’s been breathing over the vent a lot more which adds up to him taking breaths in the normal 40-60 range vs. him only being in the 20’s previously. But on the other hand, I also know that just breathing over it is not enough to come of the vent. While he still isn’t taking enough breaths per minute, his problem is more that he can’t seem to breathe deep enough on his own. I wish we had an answer as to why he can’t seem to manage that. It’s so frustrating and discouraging.
It’s 3pm now and I’m still sitting at home. I’m hesitant to go to the hospital and see Wyatt. My husband is off from work today and he offered that I could go but something is holding me back. I saw him on the nasal canola yesterday. I don’t want to go today and see him back on the ventilator. I usually go to the hospital at least once a day and call ahead if I can’t make it first thing in the morning. But today I haven’t even managed to pick up the phone and call to check on him. I can’t shake this feeling that he may not ever completely come off the vent. Maybe down the road he’ll manage a medium to be off the vent when he’s awake but it seems that he definitely needs it when he gets tired and when he’s sleeping. I don’t want to go up to the hospital only to stay for a couple hours. I want him home! I want my baby home like it was supposed to be. I want someone to call me and tell me he’s ok. Why can’t I have that? Why can’t they fix him?
Nothing hurts worse than your baby in need. I don't know why you are going thru this, I wish I had an answer. I pray for you and Wyatt everyday. I want so much for you to be able to take your little boy home. He needs to be with his family. Don't stay discouraged, he's a strong little boy, he will make it thru. I have a friend who's little boy turns 1 tomorrow. He was born at 27 weeks, and his parents went thru the ups and downs with his breathing. As of last month, he is completely off all breathing machines. He is a miracle baby, and I know Wyatt will be too. Stay strong...
ReplyDeleteThank you! He's fighting every day and in all reality, he's the one teaching us to be strong.
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