more tests, more waiting - June 17

June 17

Anyone have a free-standing punching bag they want to get rid of? I could really get some good use out of it right now. Come on Wyatt, prove these doctors wrong. You're 2 weeks old today, it's time to kick some butt!!!

They’re repeating the EEG today, hoping to catch him during one of his episodes because Wyatt's breathing issues/low O2 saturation episodes don't seem to be feeding related and are happening more frequently. It’s ironic to say but I'm almost hoping they find seizure activity. Maybe then they can at least begin to try to treat him instead of guessing and observing. Everything is a process of elimination right now and the only answer we keep getting is that it's up to him and how his brain can rewire itself. We won’t get results till tomorrow or even Monday though... Mentally it's such a rollercoaster. I try to stay positive but it's getting progressively harder. My dad went back home yesterday, Wyatt hasn’t improved his breathing and I have a hard time being patient with my other boys even though I know they're being really good. It's hard to simply look at people sometimes, much less talk to them. I get angry at people now who try to point out the positives about Wyatt because no one seems to even want to talk about the reality and the what if he doesn’t improve further. I even have a hard time looking at Wyatt sometimes or holding him because I'm scared it might be the last time I see him. A chaplain came by yesterday when I was holding Wyatt and had my 9yr old with me. It took everything out of me not to tell him where to put his comments. It's definitely getting to me that there aren’t going to be any breaks, physically or mentally, with three boys at home and one very sick little man in the hospital. Pumping every three hours during the day is almost impossible too so I worry about that. At night I have been so exhausted, I have not been able to get up and pump. Can I just run away please and find an off switch for my brain?

It’s evening now and Wyatt's 2nd EEG also came back normal. They will move forward with a 24hr video EEG to get an image of him during his low O2 saturation episodes. Another test, it seems like torture. It's a process of elimination now. They tested for everything else and even though he has no obvious signs of seizures, they want to make sure. If it comes back normal, we're back to waiting to see how his brain can adjust by the time he's 6-8wks old. That seems to be the time frame where the chances of his brain healing itself are most likely… I’m not sure how much more of this back and forth guessing and waiting game I can handle.

Wyatt on Daddy's comfy chest - finally