redefining life's purpose

As long as I can remember I’ve always been in search of the purpose in life. I’m a scientific kind of person, have never been religiously affiliated, and have always considered life to be one of those repetitive cycles. We are born, we learn to survive, we create and raise the next generation, and then eventually we die. Given that simple fact, I’ve always believed that it’s the middle that’s important. The purpose in life is what we make it. We can choose to simply exist or we can live to our full potential. What exactly that potential is depends on each individual’s beliefs about their own capabilities and goals… That said, I am now wondering what each member of our family is going to believe that their purpose in life is after everything we’ve been through in the last nine months.

When we were first awaiting Wyatt’s diagnosis, we heard a lot of well-meaning comments that all circled around the thought of how we are only given what we can handle, that whether we realize it or not there is a reason for everything that happens in life, and that Wyatt was born this way to do great things. To be perfectly honest, I envy people who can approach life’s challenges this way. But on the flip side, if these people were living in our shoes for just one week, would they still say the same? It would be so nice to have an answer for everything that happens to each one of us every single day. But the truth is (based on my beliefs) there is no underlying reason. Almost everything in life happens on the principle of cause and effect, and sometimes bad things just happen. The cause for Wyatt’s disorder is a defective gene and the effect is an autonomic nervous system disorder called CCHS. Nobody in our family did anything to deserve this kind of karma, no one is that special to turn such a diagnosis into eventual world peace, and we are certainly not made out of stone to let this level of stress just roll off our backs. It’s be so easy to say that we are just such great people that we were meant to have a life-support machine dependent child and he will make a difference in this world. But that’s just bullshit. No one should ever have to deal with this. There is no greater purpose here or karma or whatever else would make for an easy explanation. Does Wyatt have the potential to do great things in life, of course. But it isn’t because of his diagnosis. If he chooses to do great things in life it will be because of his own free will, because of his personality that will drive him to never give up until he reaches the goals that he sets his mind to. And the same goes for each member of this family. There is no rhyme or reason that explains why our life had to take such a dramatic turn. Shit simply happens. For lack of better words, it sucks but it is up to us now to redefine what we want this life to be like, what each of us makes our individual purpose in life.

Now I just have to figure out how this spur of a moment positive outlook can kick butt and erase all these horrible images of reviving my own lifeless blue child several times a day.